Psychotherapy Perspectives

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Couples and marriages--what makes it work?

Hi Everybody, welcome back to our blog. I want to summarize very briefly a publication from John Gottman, PH.D. Dr. Gottman has done research on couples longer then anybody else and his studies are scientific. Margaret Davis-Mintun , co-owner saw him and stated that she shares his principals with her clients and he was very knowledgable when she saw him for a workshop. We encourage people to see him and read his books. Here is what I gleaned from his ( Dr. Gottman) publication "Seven Principals for Making a Marriage Work"

Seven Principals for Making a Marriage Work
Excerpted from John Gottman, PH.D publication

Why couples end up with divorce.
The four horsemen:
1. criticism
2. contempt
3. defensiveness
4. Stonewalling
Flooding (defending against emotional feelings of other person)
Body Language (fight or flight, high heart rate, blood pressure)
Failed Repair Attempts
Bad Memories

What helps couples stay together?
1. Enhance what you do in common
2. Nurture your fondness and admiration
3. Turn toward each other instead of away
4. Let your Partner influence you
5. Solve your solvable problems
6. Overcome gridlock
7. Create shared meaning

Facts on Marriage in the USA
1. 68% of all marriages end up with divorce
2. 2nd marriage divorce rate higher if re-marriage is in three years or less
3. Couples live 4 years longer then people alone. (pets help people alone live longer)
4. Couples have improved immunity system over people who live alone

Thanks for reading my blog!! We will have another one in a few days.

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